month one (and some change)

running a bit behind...here are our one month letters to ascher.

my dearest ascher,
how can i begin to describe how our lives have changed since you made your appearance one month ago? you arrived on a tuesday morning...slightly disoriented, but alert nonetheless. i knew immediately that i would love you and protect you forever. labor was unlike anything i had ever been through. daddy was there, encouraging me the entire time. i know that i couldn't have gotten through it without him. he was so amazing and supportive. i know that you will learn those qualities from him and i have faith that you will show your future wife the same respect and love.

in your first month, you have changed so much. you started as somewhat of a blob...a blob this mother loved with her whole heart. those first weeks, you ate, you slept, you pooped. repeat the process. you didn't do much else. it was a simple existence, but you rocked it. prior to your arrival, i had grandiose ideas of parenting. my plan was to have you sleeping in the crib from day one and to read to you every day and to shower every day. well, my little bug...those plans were out the window. out the window along with sleep. i was no longer concerned with where you slept, only that you actually slept (bassinet, bouncy seat, swing, my arms...). i didn't read to you every day...i was barely able to take a breath, let alone read a book. and showering? that was a luxury reserved for the other half of the world. thank goodness, you didn't mind a day-old mama.

your first month, you met a lot of family. of course, they all loved you. how could you not? you met gramma and grandpa wolf within the first hours of being born. they were so happy to finally meet you, especially after waiting with us in new hampshire for a week while i was overdue. i loved seeing you, daddy and grandpa together. three generations of wolfs. (side note: you have quite the footsteps to follow in...your dad and grandpa are pretty amazing men. i'm confident you'll be fine, though!) the next week, you met uncle dave, aunt jen and ellie and maddie. they were excited to meet you, too. and they drove so far! and finally, the week after that, you met mamaw. she traveled pretty far, too. she had the grandma touch and was able to calm you down just by being there. and she reassured me when i was having a breakdown (induced by sleepless nights and a screaming baby).

we had a few rough nights those first weeks. nights where you wanted to eat every hour and never sleep. i will apologize now for falling asleep during feedings and drooling on your cute little head. but let's be honest...it will probably happen again. parenting was harder than i thought it would be. but, just when i thought i was going to fall over with exhaustion or go insane from one of your fits, you would give me a smile. people will tell new parents that newborns don't smile, that it's just gas. i'm here to squash that lie...you smiled at your mama! and it made every hard part of my new job completely worth it. i would walk a million miles to see that smile or to hear your happy baby sounds. those squeaks you make when you're done eating or the soft sound of you breathing, deep in sleep. it is pure heaven.

you have a lot coming up in your next month. lots of changes...moving across the country, moving into a house. we hope you embrace those changes and continue to thrive. i look forward to watching you grow and to see your personality continue to emerge.

all my love,
mama

The word that best describes the first month of your life is, WOW! I have found myself saying that word more over the past month, than the rest of my life combined. The first time I used it was when you stuck your head out and greeted us. It was probably the most amazing thing I had ever seen. You were kind of a grayish color and the strongest memory I have of that moment is thinking, WOW, mommy just did that. Don’t tell anyone, but your dad was balling his eyes out at that same moment. I was just so proud of your mother and happy to see you. I can’t emphasize enough, the amount of pain and effort she went through to bring you to us, so please be good to her, forever!

After the initial shock and awe of the moment, I got into daddy mode. I grabbed the camera and started snapping photos of you. While doing that, I kept asking the nurses, he is okay right? He is healthy right? After an accurate finger and toe count and several re-assuring smiles from the nurses, I was convinced. After they cleaned you up and mommy got put back together, my job as the sole provider for my child was over. Yeah, dads get about 30 minutes of isolated parent time and that is about it. From that point on, it is all about you and the mommy. She fed you, she held you, she fed you again. It is an amazing thing to see the woman you marry turn into a mommy in the blink of any eye. There was no time to be overwhelmed or scared anymore, just 100% dedication to keeping you healthy and happy.

Once we got settled, Grandma and Grandpa Wolf came into the room and saw you for the first time. It was one of my happiest moments to see them so proud of what we had done. You were a handsome boy! After a few sleepless nights at the Alice Peck Day Hospital, we were ready to come home. The 2 bedroom apartment was not the home we envisioned for you, but we made due. We decorated the second bedroom with all sorts of cute stuff and made you a cozy home. Of course, after a full month you have not slept one single night in that cozy little home. Maybe next month…

love,
daddy